Vulnerability and creativity

Researcher Brene Brown once said, “To create is to make something that has never existed before. There's nothing more vulnerable than that.” Vulnerability is a difficult concept for our society to grasp. Often, it is considered weak because it involves expressing emotions like sadness, confusion, loneliness, and hurt. It involves showing sensitivity. How difficult it is to be an artist and live in a world that consistently tells us to “stop being so sensitive”! Oh, the hot shame that comes with that statement. I can feel it in my own cheeks right now.

Artists have to embrace vulnerability more than others. We put our thoughts and ideas, our music, our movement, our voices, our words, out there for all to see and judge in order to fulfill our inner need to create and make meaning. We have to conquer fear on a much larger scale because we have to take the deep, dark parts of ourselves and put them on display.

It’s difficult to do.

I think it’s why we artists tend to be so harsh on ourselves. Often, thinking that what we make is crap. Sometimes when we finally finish something, we can be deathly afraid to put it out there. Because it means being vulnerable. It means opening ourselves up to criticism and judgment. It can be tortuous.

But vulnerability is good for you. I know, the word itself means, “susceptible to being wounded or hurt”, but bear with me here. First, we all know that from great pain comes great art, right? In that same vein, we know that love and joy is only truly appreciated when one has experienced hurt. And what is necessary for those powerful moments of happiness? Connection. And how do we connect? We bravely put ourselves out there. We risk hurt in order to heal.

So what does this all mean? It means that artists are some of the most courageous people in the world. Because we choose to create rather than conform. We conquer fear every time we say to someone, “Here, this is my art.” Whether you are stepping onto a stage in front of thousands of fans or showing a poem to a friend, you are being brave.

How have you been courageously vulnerable through creativity? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below or on my facebook page.

Speak up. End the stigma.

The world was shocked last week by the suicide of Robin Williams. The news sent half the world reeling, wondering how this hilarious, kind, warm man could have done such a thing. Later, we found out that on top of having struggled with addiction, anxiety, and depression, Mr. Williams also had Parkinson's disease. That was easier for us to understand than depression. At first, however, all we knew was that he suffered from mental illness. Many condolences and speculations were made, talk about depression and its awful effects began, while others called the act selfish and cowardly. Ah, there it is: the stigma. The message is that the depressed and anxious are weak. That suffering is something we don't have to feel and we can brush aside and control all by ourselves. That's the key to the message: do it by yourself.

Because here in the U.S. we give independence (particularly male independence) the highest value. We laud the solo entrepreneur, the guy who "pulled himself up by his bootstraps" and "made something of himself". People talk about "personal responsibility" and "welfare babies"; our lawmakers cut funding to public programs and unemployment. The message we receive from all this? "If you need help, it's your fault." Many of us have internalized this and think, "I cannot ask for help because it shows weakness." But that's bullshit. It's bullshit we tell ourselves out of fear. Because we don't want to think of ourselves in that sort of situation. "It hasn't happened to me and it won't happen to me because I am strong and responsible. I can handle this." And it's understandable that people are afraid of losing their jobs and not being able to find another, becoming disabled, not having control over the rate of their own reproductivity, or being so depressed or anxious that they can't bear to face another day.

Now really, when you live in a society that constantly sends the message that those who need others are weak, it is truly courageous to ask for help. Not to mention the fact that the idea of complete independence is totally bunk. We are interdependent. The solo entrepreneur wouldn't exist without other people, including customers, bank tellers, furniture makers, constructions workers, police, doctors, lawyers... the list goes on and on. No one is independent. Not one of us. So let's stop the stigma dead in it's tracks. It's ok to ask for help. We all need people and we're all here for each other.

Say it with me, "I am interdependent."

P.S. I linked to this video about depression above, but I wanted to make sure you see it. It's a brave account of the illness by a teen comic and a request to end the stigma and the silence. He makes so many important points, including that depression is an issue, not an identity, that everyone knows hurt, and that we have to embrace the light with the dark, "accepting ourselves for who we are, not who the world wants us to be."

Why artists?

Sometimes people ask me, "Why do you work with creative people?"

Because I am one.

Because I have experienced the devaluing of artistic expression firsthand. The peer judgments on cool/uncool, the worry from parents ("How will you make money?"), and the confusion and belittlement from a partner who just didn't get why I wanted to keep making art.  I have experienced how this can all be so internalized that it becomes very difficult to express oneself fully. I work on this every day in my own life. Those feelings of not being good enough artistically or socially; of wondering where I fit into all of it; the rollercoaster of the creative mind - they didn't suddenly all go away when I became a helper. I chose artists because I know the struggles of being one, yesterday and today.

I'm very concerned with the labeling creative people as crazy, devaluing our contributions. With the overmedication of our society. With the pressure to conform - especially with children- creativity and energy have become "behavior problems". While we think our communities are getting more diverse, it seems to me we're trying to force our children into tighter and tighter boxes.

I work with artists because I love them. Their unique perspectives, their optimism - it is so refreshing and almost always astounding. I help them craft their visions, hone their focus, and bring clarity to their work, relationships, and lives. I love helping people be who they are and do what they want to do.

So, who are you and what do you want to do?

Goal-setting is SO not punk rock

This may come as a surprise, but I really don't like planning. Some people love it - they organize, research, make notes, put little tabs on pages, and get everything together. These people (see: my mother) are my saviors because they make my life more manageable, even when they're just managing their own lives. They even make my life more exciting when they plan fun, new activities and invite me.

I'm a coach, so I help people plan and get their lives somewhat organized. Mostly, I facilitate ways for my clients to figure out exactly what it is they want and how they want to get it. Planning for myself is an ongoing challenge, especially when it comes to creative work. To me, the phrase "goal-setting" used to feel restrictive and strained. I often go to my coach for help when I feel muddy and overwhelmed. I know planning can be difficult for many of you, too, so I thought I'd share my observations and suggestions from both personal and professional perspectives.

Planning vs The creative process Ah, the creative process. That roller coaster of ups and downs; of laying on the floor in a ball to creating a masterpiece in 3 hours. Motivation and inspiration wax and wane. If you decide to make a carefully laid out schedule, it can be hard to stick to. Obligations come up or sometimes the creative juices just aren't there. Other times, the inner rebel chimes in, "I don't have to do what you say! You're not my Dad!", and it's all over. When you don't meet your plans it can make you feel shitty, depressed, anxious and then you feel shitty about feeling shitty and maybe even feel bad that you want to do artsy stuff and not "productive stuff" and only you value you and no one else does so why even try….AH!

When to listen to the inner rebel, when to tell her to eff off What does your inner punker tell you? Mine says, “Screw this, let’s party!” Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about rebelling. Sometimes the rebel shows up when you legitimately need the break. Sometimes she is screaming at something that isn't right, like a forced professional or gender norm that doesn’t align with your values. Other times, you need to tell the rebel you’ll party later. Ask yourself: "Is it advantageous for me to put this off?" If the answer is no, then barrel through. Note: Try to avoid saying “Should I put this off?” Should is the surest road to feeling shitty. Don't should all over yourself!

How to plan without being boxed in

• Get focused - write down your values, what you think about the world, your aspirations, etc. Use one my handy dandy form to help you examine these, as well as other factors, like self-sabotage (aka "the inner punker").
• Look at how it all connects. What do your views say about you and your objectives? What does your worldview say about how you approach your goals?
• Think about what you can do to harness your ambition. Break it down to today, next week, or next month.
• Now plan. Keep it simple. I find that if I start writing down what I’m going to do hour-by-hour, I end up rebelling against the whole thing, do nothing (or something else unnecessary), and then hate myself for it later. If you're like me, instead of writing it all out minute-by-minute, plan 4 things you’d like to get done at some point during the week or 1 thing you’d like to do each day or even 1 thing you'd like to do each week. This allows you the freedom to schedule yourself fluidly and still say, “I got that shit done!”
• When the stubborn rebel shows up saying “You can’t tell me what to do!”, remind him that this is YOUR plan, not anyone else’s. Partying will feel so much better once your work for the day is done. In fact, put that party time on your schedule so you have something to look forward to!

The fact is, goal-setting and planning are essential to getting the big stuff done. Want to put on a show, write a novel, start a business, or finish your album? You've got to plan.

Feel like your planning deficient? Share your struggles below. Are you an expert at planning your own life and work? Please share your insight.