CODEPENDENCY/PEOPLE-PLEASING

When you're stuck in a codependent, people-pleasing cycle it often takes a long time to realize it. All you know is you say yes when you want to say no because you’re afraid of the reactions of others. You give up your own activities, opinions, and dreams to help out or to make someone else happy. Sometimes you don’t even know what your feelings are. What you do know is that you’re intensely worried about other people’s problems and you feel terrible when you can’t help them, maybe even angry if they won’t let you help. You say no when someone asks if you're upset, but you have a terrible pit in your stomach constantly. You might have headaches, digestive issues, physical pain, or constant fatigue. You become stifled and controlled. People might say you're cold when you thought you were a warm and giving person!

You may have a partner or parent that suffers from addiction. You might stay up late or sacrifice your own plans just to make sure your partner doesn’t use or drink too much. You may have cleaned up your parent’s physical and emotional messes when you were little. Or maybe you weren’t exposed to an addict, but were with someone who tried to make you believe your feelings and thoughts weren’t valid or worthy. Maybe you were controlled and emotionally abused by someone close to you.

I’m here to say, there’s nothing wrong with you. You have a big heart and that’s a good thing. But maybe you’re hurting. Maybe your relationship is hurting. Maybe you’re ready to say no to the things you don’t want and start saying yes to yourself. When you learn to detach yourself from the thoughts and feelings of others, you begin to fully understand and respect your own. That’s what we can do together in therapy.