Speak up. End the stigma.

The world was shocked last week by the suicide of Robin Williams. The news sent half the world reeling, wondering how this hilarious, kind, warm man could have done such a thing. Later, we found out that on top of having struggled with addiction, anxiety, and depression, Mr. Williams also had Parkinson's disease. That was easier for us to understand than depression. At first, however, all we knew was that he suffered from mental illness. Many condolences and speculations were made, talk about depression and its awful effects began, while others called the act selfish and cowardly. Ah, there it is: the stigma. The message is that the depressed and anxious are weak. That suffering is something we don't have to feel and we can brush aside and control all by ourselves. That's the key to the message: do it by yourself.

Because here in the U.S. we give independence (particularly male independence) the highest value. We laud the solo entrepreneur, the guy who "pulled himself up by his bootstraps" and "made something of himself". People talk about "personal responsibility" and "welfare babies"; our lawmakers cut funding to public programs and unemployment. The message we receive from all this? "If you need help, it's your fault." Many of us have internalized this and think, "I cannot ask for help because it shows weakness." But that's bullshit. It's bullshit we tell ourselves out of fear. Because we don't want to think of ourselves in that sort of situation. "It hasn't happened to me and it won't happen to me because I am strong and responsible. I can handle this." And it's understandable that people are afraid of losing their jobs and not being able to find another, becoming disabled, not having control over the rate of their own reproductivity, or being so depressed or anxious that they can't bear to face another day.

Now really, when you live in a society that constantly sends the message that those who need others are weak, it is truly courageous to ask for help. Not to mention the fact that the idea of complete independence is totally bunk. We are interdependent. The solo entrepreneur wouldn't exist without other people, including customers, bank tellers, furniture makers, constructions workers, police, doctors, lawyers... the list goes on and on. No one is independent. Not one of us. So let's stop the stigma dead in it's tracks. It's ok to ask for help. We all need people and we're all here for each other.

Say it with me, "I am interdependent."

P.S. I linked to this video about depression above, but I wanted to make sure you see it. It's a brave account of the illness by a teen comic and a request to end the stigma and the silence. He makes so many important points, including that depression is an issue, not an identity, that everyone knows hurt, and that we have to embrace the light with the dark, "accepting ourselves for who we are, not who the world wants us to be."

Why artists?

Sometimes people ask me, "Why do you work with creative people?"

Because I am one.

Because I have experienced the devaluing of artistic expression firsthand. The peer judgments on cool/uncool, the worry from parents ("How will you make money?"), and the confusion and belittlement from a partner who just didn't get why I wanted to keep making art.  I have experienced how this can all be so internalized that it becomes very difficult to express oneself fully. I work on this every day in my own life. Those feelings of not being good enough artistically or socially; of wondering where I fit into all of it; the rollercoaster of the creative mind - they didn't suddenly all go away when I became a helper. I chose artists because I know the struggles of being one, yesterday and today.

I'm very concerned with the labeling creative people as crazy, devaluing our contributions. With the overmedication of our society. With the pressure to conform - especially with children- creativity and energy have become "behavior problems". While we think our communities are getting more diverse, it seems to me we're trying to force our children into tighter and tighter boxes.

I work with artists because I love them. Their unique perspectives, their optimism - it is so refreshing and almost always astounding. I help them craft their visions, hone their focus, and bring clarity to their work, relationships, and lives. I love helping people be who they are and do what they want to do.

So, who are you and what do you want to do?

Take care of yourself

I've noticed a trend with artists: we're not so great at taking care of ourselves. We live for our craft and often don't pay that much attention to our physical selves while we're doing it. This can be especially true for those of us with less physically demanding creative endeavors, like musicians, visual artists, and writers. (I know I'm usually more interested in having a beer and playing my piano than going for a run.) Conversely, dancers, acrobats, actors, and other physical artists might push themselves too hard, sometimes to the point of injury. Many of us start to feel mortality creeping in right around age 30. The invincibility of our teens and 20s behind us, we start feeling those late nights a little harder and our bodies start to ache a little longer, our friends have babies, and our parents and grandparents get sick. When you've been downing beers and pizza at rehearsal every night (or whiskey and...um...whiskey for the Hemingways), there is often a moment where you ask yourself: "Should I try to be healthier?"

A couple of months ago, my grandfather passed away. He was the sweetest, wisest, most understanding and open person I know. He was also a WWII veteran, an engineer, an artist, and a writer. Then, a couple of weeks ago, my therapist and mentor died after a 6 year battle with cancer. She left a huge imprint on the world as a helper, friend, and genuinely authentic person. These losses, coupled with friends and family members struggles with illnesses, really affected me. At 34, I'm starting to feel the spoils of my lifestyle which, while not terrible, could use some sprucing up in the health department. But it's hard. I have so much reading and thinking and writing and talking and performing to do. These things are much more exciting to me than my yoga practice or taking a walk. But I have to remember: I can't be a great counselor or artist if I don't feel good. I could for awhile, but eventually, it would catch up with me. It'll catch up with you, too.

Beyond the physical benefits, it could also help the creative process to take a break, move around, and do something new. Some of us act as if our bodies are separate from our minds, but let's be honest, it's all one. In fact, what's good for the heart is good for the brain, too.

Now, you're not stupid, so I'm not going to give you some list of stuff you can do to take care of yourself. You're an adult, you know how. The one less common piece of advice I will give is this: consider taking Vitamin D. Unless you're outside a lot, you're probably deficient. Vitamin D is good for all kinds of stuff, including energy and mood. Nothing is black and white, though, so I've provided you with a link to an article with experts who argue for and against supplementing Vitamin D, so you can make up your own mind.

Look, I know some of us aren't accustomed to being healthier, but try to remind yourself of this: Taking care of myself is not just good for my body, it's good for my art.

So when did you realize you had to start taking care of yourself? Got any brilliant ideas on how to combine art and health? Share in the comments below!

Crazy or just creative? How mental health can be a matter of perception.

Ever stay up all night working on a creative project? So excited, it's all you think about, you obsess over it and have trouble focusing on anything but. You can barely sleep - IT'S JUST SO AWESOME! Ever feel terrible when your play, show, or art opening was over? You sink down, and often think "I should be happy, but I feel awful. I'm SO sad." You can't do anything and you just want to sleep.

Sadly, when some doctors and parents see this in children, they diagnose them with bipolar disorder or ADHD. And it seems to fit the bill: states of prolonged mania or hyperactivity, sometimes followed by states of depression. It all seems unmanageable and to an unwitting parent, it is probably very frightening. So kids end up on drugs like Ritalin or Lithium and often abandon their creative activities. Meanwhile the "disease" is still not gone, just "managed"... for the time being.

Creative adults usually understand the inevitable ups and downs of creative work. Sometimes they're hard for us to handle and we HATE those times when we can't think and create. But gifted children and their parents, teachers, and doctors don't see this roller coaster as "normal" (whatever that means). So they end up on really serious drugs for perhaps no good reason, other than to make those around them more comfortable.

In 2008, a study came out on these types of children. Mahnaz Sadre and Linda Brock, fueled by other studies that link mental illness and creativity, presented five different case studies in which creatively gifted children and adolescents were previously diagnosed as having bipolar disorder or ADHD and given medication for their conditions. For the study, the authors provided the kids and their families with therapy that focused on their creative talents and educated parents about the creative process. In each case, the children improved significantly and eventually stopped taking most, if not all, of their psych meds.

This is a prime example of what I want to impart to people: mental health "problems" are often a matter of social dynamics. If we're told we are bad, wrong, crazy, stupid... we eventually believe we are and our brains physically change in accordance with that. However, we can change our brains and learn to think differently, behave differently, and interact differently. If we shift our perspectives, even just a little bit, we can drastically change our place in the world.

I'll give you some examples of how to do this in my next post! Meanwhile, I'd love to hear how perspective affects how you view yourself and the world.

Why is growth so difficult? How to get through change, even when it's good.

As the year ends, many of us look back with mixed emotions. Regardless of whether you judge your time as "good" or "bad", the fact remains that you changed in some way. Everyone changes from year to year, even if only minutely. The world is constantly in transition and we are all affected by it. If you lost someone or something, you changed; if you gained someone or something, you changed; if someone close to you lost or gained someone, you are affected because they are.

Being that we are constantly in flux, it seems funny that most of us would be afraid of change, even positive adjustments, in some way. But it's a natural fear of the unknown. We're creatures of habit, so when we don't know what's coming next we get excited, and maybe a bit anxious. Adrenalin pops in to say hello and prepare us for whatever dangers might be ahead. This is why transitions, even positive ones, can be hard to handle.

Sometimes growth is really difficult because it involves some type of loss. Ever had to dump a friend, lover, or spouse because they just didn't feel "right" for you anymore? Ever left a job for a new one or moved to a better neighborhood or another state or country for a new opportunity? All sorts of feelings pop up in these instances, and they usually involve excitement, anxiety, and sadness.

Guess what? Every single one of these feelings is PERFECTLY NORMAL. Many of us shit on ourselves about feeling the bad feelings, though. "I SHOULD feel happy. This is a GOOD thing, so WHY do I feel so scared and sad? I SHOULD stop feeling that way." These thoughts are a one-way ticket to feeling worse. The ironic thing is, the more you allow yourself to feel those bad feelings, the easier and faster you will move through them. And I don't mean wallowing in self-pity, staying in your bed all day. I mean giving yourself permission to feel the myriad of emotions that go along with growth and transition.

Here's an awesome excerpt from Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go. She uses the metaphor of growing out of things as a child to describe the feelings that go along with personal growth.

Just as when we were children and grew out of our favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, homes. This can be confusing. We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in our life today. We may wonder why our feelings have changed.

When we were children, we may have tried to fit an outgrown article of clothing on to our body. Now, as adults, we may go through a time of trying to force-fit attitudes that we have outgrown. We may need to do this to realize the truth. What worked last year, what was so important and special to us in times past, doesn't work anymore because we've changed. We've grown.

We can accept this as valid and important... We can let ourselves go through experimentation and grief as we struggle to make something fit, trying to figure out if indeed it no longer fits, and why. We can explore our feelings and thoughts around what has happened. Then, we can put last year's toys away and make room for the new.

The key points from this quote are: 1. Growth and change are permanent fixtures in our lives. 2. We can choose to let ourselves be just as we are while we move through the process.

Think of it this way: do you think it's right to tell others how they should feel? No? Does it make you feel any better when someone says "you should be happy!"? Didn't think so. Then why is it alright for you to tell yourself how you should feel? I know we all want to feel happy and great all the time because, well, it feels good! But that's just not how humans are. We experience the whole roller coaster of emotions and unfortunately, some of those feelings are difficult, even scary.

There's a lot of people in media and advertising telling you to "be fearless", usually with some incredible image like someone jumping out of a plane or diving off cliff. I'm willing to bet that the people doing those things are super afraid of doing what they're doing, they're just good at recognizing that fear goes hand-in-hand with excitement. It seems that instead of "be fearless", the mantra should be "don't let fear stop you." Because really, no one is fearless.

So I'm here to tell you: it's alright to feel tentative about any type of change. Everyone feels anxious at some point in their lives. Give yourself a break. Let yourself grow and unfold slowly. You'll find it's easier to move forward when you maneuver through those "bad feeling" obstacles, rather than try to pretend they don't exist.