8 signs you could be codependent
When you're stuck in a codependent, people-pleasing cycle it often takes a long time to realize it. Here are some warning signs that you could be codependent.
1. You have trouble saying “no”.
When it comes to helping, you love to do so, but you also feel like you can’t ever say no whenever anyone asks something of you. You might feel overwhelmed often or even resentful of the people who ask you to do things for them.
2. You take really good care of other people, but you have trouble taking care of yourself.
Because you never say no, you’re the go-to person and you pride yourself on taking care of other people. But when it comes to self-care, you might not know where to begin. You may even have the belief that others come first and your needs are not important.
3. You have trouble knowing what your feelings are, but you know exactly what everyone else is feeling.
You’re so intuitive when it comes to the way other people think and feel and you really know how to accommodate and take care of them. When he’s down, you’re down, when he’s feeling good, so are you! When asked how you feel about something or what your opinion is, though, you might be at a loss for words. You may even look to someone else to answer or say something like “I don’t know, whatever you want is fine with me!”
4. You feel solely responsible for other people’s feelings, behaviors, or circumstances.
Sometimes you feel like you’re the only one who can fix it or make it right. When a loved one is upset or having trouble, you feel it so deeply that you think you’re completely responsible for helping them feel better. When they screw up, you take it personally and desperately try to find a way to make it so they never do that again. You feel like other people’s problems are yours to solve.
5. Your partner, child, or parent has a problem with drugs or alcohol and you think they can fix it, if only they’d do what you say.
You think that if you just help your loved one use in moderation, they would be fine. “Just drink on the weekends, but don’t get drunk. Smoke weed, but stop with the harder stuff.” You don’t understand why they can’t just control themselves like you ask them to. You might feel trapped in this relationship, thinking they might never get better, or might hurt themselves or die if you don’t help them.
6. You find yourself constantly monitoring your loved one’s behavior and giving them unsolicited advice.
What’s she doing? Where is she going? How much did she drink today? How is she feeling? These thoughts run through your head every day. You monitor the behavior and then you give advice on what you think your loved one should do. Your loved one might be getting annoyed or upset with you, or they might accept the advice, but never seem to be able to follow through with it.
7. You’re devastated and wracked with guilt and fear when someone is mad at you.
You do everything in your power not to make someone upset with you. You avoid confrontation like the plague. Because when someone is mad at you, especially someone you love, you feel absolutely terrible. You get a pit in your stomach. You’re filled with dread. You might not be able to eat or sleep, you constantly think about it and you desperately search for ways to fix it.
8. You find it hard to feel truly connected to your family and friends.
You’re the helper. You’re the one everyone goes to with their problems, but when it comes to your problems, you don’t think you have anyone to go to. You might not even think your problems are worth talking about. You find yourself feeling like an outsider at gatherings. You crave deep connection, but you’re not sure how to get it.
Think you might be codependent?
There are several steps to recovering from codependency. Here’s where to begin:
1. Learn to set boundaries
2. Practice emotional detachment
4. Learn to let go
5. Get reacquainted with your own feelings
6. Learn to accept and manage those feelings
Need help with that?
Recovery from codependency is a lifelong journey. I offer online counseling for codependency in Maryland. Contact me to set up your free 15-minute consultation.