YOU'LL NEVER BE READY
"I'm not ready."
I hear this often when people talk about why they haven't started to pursue their passions. "I haven't learned enough. I need more supplies. I need more time. I haven't practiced enough."
My response:
"How will you know when you're ready?"
99% of the time the answer is, "I have no idea."
Being ready to pursue creative work is tough. Often there is no certificate, no graduation, no significant marker that says, "Ok, now you're ready. Go create." But the truth is there's no amount of preparation that will ever make you feel completely ready. Did I feel completely ready to be a therapist when I got out of grad school? Hell no! But I had to start. Because the only way you can know whether or not you're ready to do something is to actually do it.
"I'm not ready."
I hear this often when people talk about why they haven't started to pursue their passions. "I haven't learned enough. I need more supplies. I need more time. I haven't practiced enough."
My response:
"How will you know when you're ready?"
99% of the time the answer is, "I have no idea."
Being ready to pursue creative work is tough. Often there is no certificate, no graduation, no significant marker that says, "Ok, now you're ready. Go create." But the truth is there's no amount of preparation that will ever make you feel completely ready. Did I feel completely ready to be a therapist when I got out of grad school? Hell no! But I had to start. Because the only way you can know whether or not you're ready to do something is to actually do it.
How many times have you heard a success story about someone who just jumped into a profession without really knowing what they were doing? Stories like that are SO annoying! We often jealously chalk stories like that up to coincidence and luck. But the main difference between that person and the rest of us, is that that person had the humility to accept that didn't know what they were doing and the courage to just dive in and learn as they went.
When we say we're not ready, what we're really saying is that we're afraid. Probably afraid of screwing up, being seen, or being judged and criticized. We're afraid of what it will do to us when we get right up close to our dreams. It's scary to pursue a dream. What if you fail? What if it turns out you don't like it? Then what?
It's scary to show people your art. It puts you in a very vulnerable spot. You open yourself up to SO much. Think about all the hating and judging you see from your friends on social media every day. We live in a culture of constant criticism. So that fear you feel? Totally valid.
But it's not an excuse to limit yourself.
I know you're afraid. I know you don't feel ready. But I also know you've got something amazing and uniquely you to share with the world. Someone out there is waiting for it. They want to read it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it. Someone is ready to be thrilled, moved, and inspired by you. Gather your courage, balls, ovaries, chutzpah, whatever you want to call it, and start now.
And when you get afraid of what people will say when you show them what you've got, keep this incredible quote from Theodore Roosevelt in mind:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly."
I'm ready to see YOU.
I challenge you to do something courageous today. Share something you've made, something you're working on, or even just the start of your creative journey on Instagram with the hashtag #courageouscreatives and tag me @empoweringcreatives. I may even repost what you have to share.
Or share your work, links, images, writings, thoughts, ramblings, whatever you'd like in the comments below.
You'll never be truly ready, so you might as well start now.
WANNA GET PAID? SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES
For some reason in our culture, and others, it's been decided that artists somehow only work for fun and that creative work is worthless unless it's high-brow or for corporate gain. Isn't it strange how artists are told their work is worthless and yet they're called deadbeats for not making money?
If you're fed up with being expected to do things for free, I'm here to say: It begins with you.
Through my experiences with my own work, and with my friends and clients in various creative settings, I've learned that setting your own personal boundaries can help tremendously when you're trying to get paid.
How do you do that? Start with these four simple ways to help you get paid for your creative work.
For some reason in our culture, and others, it's been decided that artists somehow only work for fun and that creative work is worthless unless it's high-brow or for corporate gain. Isn't it strange how artists are told their work is worthless and yet they're called deadbeats for not making money?
If you're fed up with being expected to do things for free, I'm here to say: It begins with you.
Through my experiences with my own work, and with my friends and clients in various creative settings, I've learned that setting your own personal boundaries can help tremendously when you're trying to get paid.
How do you do that? Start with these four simple ways to help you get paid for your creative work.
Set your prices
This might seem like an obvious point, but many artists who complain about not getting paid for their work don't seem to know how to value their work. So ask yourself - What does my work cost? How much is my time worth? Think about the cost of materials and the time spent creating. Go out and look at what other people charge for similar work. Don't undervalue your work out of fear of judgment or self-doubt. 9 times out of 10, creatives think they're worth a lot less than people are willing to pay. Set a price that's just a little bit too high for your comfort and stick to it. As more and more people start to pay that price, you'll get more comfortable with it.
Create contracts
There's no better way to ensure you won't get paid than by doing a job without a written agreement. If your work is gig-based, you need clear guidelines regarding what your job is, what you'll be paid, when you'll be paid, and who owns the creative work once it's complete. I know, it feels weird to lay out a contract, especially at the beginning because you're usually working with people you know. But if you're gonna get serious about getting paid for your art, you need to do all the serious things that go along with that.
There are several resources online that provide templates for service-based contracts. Check out this one from rocket-lawyer or this one that's specifically tailored to artists. I'm not a lawyer, so I can't guarantee the legality of these contracts for you. I suggest contacting a lawyer yourself. Here in Baltimore, you can contact Maryland Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts for inexpensive legal help. They even hold $5 art law clinics about 10 times a year to help artists learn how to protect themselves legally.
Be clear and direct
Let people know what you do and what it costs up front. If you're wishy-washy or unsure, it'll show and people will take advantage of that. When you want to be paid, ask to be paid. If you choose to volunteer your time or skills, be clear about how much you are willing to give and then only give that much. Resentment often builds when you've given away too much. In the end, you only do what you say "yes" to. So be clear about what you're willing and not willing to do. (Hint: outline that in your contract!) Don't let someone else (or yourself) push you into saying, "yes" when you really want to say, "no."
Get ok with saying, "No."
This can be SO hard for highly empathic creatives. I get it - you want to share the love. And you've heard over and over again that you have to "pay your dues" in your industry. But here's the thing - when you continually work for free, people continue to expect you to work for free. If you've been doing your creative work for a couples years and you're ready to start getting paid, you need to start saying, "No." It doesn't require a big explanation, even if the person throws a fit over it. "No" is a perfectly ok thing to say when you really want to say it. Yeah, it'll be scary at first, but when you put your foot down and show your worth, people will respect and know your worth.
Bottom line: You don't owe people free work.
You deserve to get paid for your contribution to the world And the more creatives that stand up and say, "Pay me", the closer we'll get to changing the culture around paying for creative work.
What do you think?
I'd love to hear about your experiences with getting paid and not getting paid for your creative work. When you haven't been paid, but thought you should have what could you have done to change it? Are there certain situations where it would be right for someone not to be paid for their work? How do you want to help change how creative work is valued?
SOLO ARTISTS AREN'T SO SOLO
We Americans idealize independence. Even the most socialistic, progressive people I know can get down on themselves when they can’t hack it and get things done all alone. It's a weird thing we've all convinced ourselves of. We know deep down in our guts that we need people. Loneliness has a purpose: it tells us that it's time to reach out to people. But instead of reaching out when we're feeling down or lonely, we think, "No, I've got to do it on my own." Nonsense! I KNOW this stuff. I studied couple and family therapy – all about the importance of connection and how people interact and help each other and I STILL hate on myself for not being able to get stuff done when I try to exist in a vacuum. Reprogramming your brain is hard.
I work with people all the time who think they have to do it all on their own. I think a lot of our struggle comes from this belief. I'm always asking my clients who they can reach out to. Whatever it is we're working on, other people can help. At some point in our work, they often say, “Hey, Lauren. I just realized that when I involve someone else I’m able to really stick to my guns and get stuff done!” I congratulate them and often laugh and say, “Who knew?! Oh wait, that’s what we’re doing right now!”
We Americans idealize independence. Even the most socialistic, progressive people I know can get down on themselves when they can’t hack it and get things done all alone. It's a weird thing we've all convinced ourselves of. We know deep down in our guts that we need people. Loneliness has a purpose: it tells us that it's time to reach out to people. But instead of reaching out when we're feeling down or lonely, we think, "No, I've got to do it on my own." Nonsense! I KNOW this stuff. I studied couple and family therapy – all about the importance of connection and how people interact and help each other and I STILL hate on myself for not being able to get stuff done when I try to exist in a vacuum. Reprogramming your brain is hard.
I work with people all the time who think they have to do it all on their own. I think a lot of our struggle comes from this belief. I'm always asking my clients who they can reach out to. Whatever it is we're working on, other people can help. At some point in our work, they often say, “Hey, Lauren. I just realized that when I involve someone else I’m able to really stick to my guns and get stuff done!” I congratulate them and often laugh and say, “Who knew?! Oh wait, that’s what we’re doing right now!”
But that’s the difference between knowing a thing and actually doing a thing. It only gets into your bones when you actually do it. You can say you know you need other people until you’re blue in the face, but when you’re struggling with your creative output do you beat yourself up for not being able to do it alone? Or do you tell someone about your plans and ask for advice?
Here’s how connection helps me creatively:
I haven’t made much solo music in the past year. It’s been a rough year. But being in my bands and having people ask me to compose, arrange, or perform for their events has kept me going. I am SO thankful for them because making music keeps me sane. Plus, being asked to do new and different things inspires me to think differently about my work. I try out new instruments. I write in ways I’ve never written before. It helps me EXPAND. Because believe it or not, I can be really stubborn and boxy about what I like and what I want to create. (I can hear my best friends sarcastically saying “OH REALLY?”) So, when someone asks me to try something new, I try to check in with myself. There are clear YESes and NOs… and then there are the fearful, scoffing NOs. The ones that say, “Oh, I’ve never done that before. Why are they asking ME? That’s SO not a thing I do!” I try to follow the fear and attempt the thing I scoffed at. It might not work out, but I get to do something different and new and stay fresh with my ideas.
It usually does work out, though. Maybe not in the way I expected, but it pays off somehow. With new ideas or recognition. Always with new friends or deeper connections.
So, if you find yourself stuck and saying to yourself ,“WTF, why can’t I ever get anything done on my own?!” Remind yourself that no one does it on their own. Not even writers! (Although you all probably have the least collaborative art.) Even the most hermity creators experienced life with others at some point. They read other people’s books, listened to other people’s music, saw other people’s works and were inspired to make their thing.
Remind yourself of this and then go tell someone about it - preferably another creator. Share your struggle. At the very least you’ll probably get a little commiseration around it. At the most, you’ll get an offer of help or maybe even a new idea.
So what's your struggle? Share in the comments! Maybe someone will read it and help you out.
STOP.
Stop it.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
Stop judging.
Stop telling yourself you're not good enough.
No more flogging yourself internally.
Take your heart, take your gut, take your mind
Take them in your arms
And embrace them.
Embrace them like you would a lover
Or a trusted friend.
Tell them you love them.
Tell them you trust them.
Tell them they deserve everything they want.
Tell them until they start to glow
Then take that light and shine it
So the world can see.
Stop it.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
Stop judging.
Stop telling yourself you're not good enough.
No more flogging yourself internally.
Take your heart, take your gut, take your mind
Take them in your arms
And embrace them.
Embrace them like you would a lover
Or a trusted friend.
Tell them you love them.
Tell them you trust them.
Tell them they deserve everything they want.
Tell them until they start to glow
Then take that light and shine it
So the world can see.
BALANCE IS BULLSHIT
We hear a lot about “finding balance”. The balance between work and life, parenting and couple stuff, balanced eating, drinking, exercising, thinking, BEING. Even I’ve talked about helping people find balance.
I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…
There’s no such thing as balance.When people say they are looking for balance, they often want it all – an immaculate house, a perfect relationship, amazing parenting skills, while kicking all-the-ass at work. I’m telling you, that kind of balance is not possible (unless you’re rich and you pay someone else to do most of this for you). This is especially true when you’re doing your big, meaningful, creative work.
We hear a lot about “finding balance”. The balance between work and life, parenting and couple stuff, balanced eating, drinking, exercising, thinking, BEING. Even I’ve talked about helping people find balance.
I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…
There’s no such thing as balance.When people say they are looking for balance, they often want it all – an immaculate house, a perfect relationship, amazing parenting skills, while kicking all-the-ass at work. I’m telling you, that kind of balance is not possible (unless you’re rich and you pay someone else to do most of this for you). This is especially true when you’re doing your big, meaningful, creative work.
But we get all these messages about how we can and should, make it all happen. When you’re a creative person who's already viewed as “unbalanced” by the rest of the world, this belief can be really damaging. I’ve fallen prey to it myself, but all that lovely training in counseling coupled with my own therapy, and some more recent reading of Danielle Laporte’s amazing works, has helped release me from the burdens of the balance myth.
When we throw ourselves into one project, another inevitably falls by the wayside. I’ve been busy playing in a rock opera band all month. I didn’t have time for rehearsing with my other bands. I didn’t have a ton of time for friends. I didn’t have much time to market my business.
It’s only natural. The scales need to tip if you want to make something big. You don’t hear about Olympians having amazing work-life balance. You hear about them getting up at 5 am to train every day for like, 15 years.
But it can get frustrating. Did I mention my husband was also acting in the rock opera? It’s awesome that we get to do this together. But our house is a mess. We ate like crap all last week. We’ve barely had time for quiet conversation. We still haven’t tackled the laundry. There've been some difficult moments and lots of bitching and moaning. But we’ve come out the other side with our brains, hearts, and bodies in tact and with the sense of fulfillment that we know we helped make something AWESOME.
Here are some tips to help you finish your creative projects without going crazy:
Be aware of what is being sacrificed
If you can, get pre-aware. Create a post or send out an email to your friends and loved ones, “I’m going into a creative cocoon for the next month, so please understand when I decline or don’t respond to your invites.” Prep your partner as much as possible about the time you’ll be missing and about the varying levels of emotion they may see from you. Make plans with them about how the house, pets, and children will be taken care of. Listen when your partner really needs you and be flexible - you may need to adjust your plans as you go along.
Stay focused
It’s really easy to start feeling guily and get distracted by all the things that aren’t getting done. Keep that laser focus on your end game, or you’ll end up surrounded by unfinished work and trust me, that WON’T feel good. If you can’t get it out of your head, make a list of the things you’d like to do when you’re done, then put that list away and GET BACK TO WORK!
Be kind to yourself
Like I said, it’s really easy to start feeling guilty about the stuff you’re neglecting. Remind yourself that this is only temporary. That you’re doing the best you can. When we're seeking balance, what we're really looking for is inner calm. We can't get that by worrying about every single little thing while trying to make something huge and amazing happen. The key is to find inner peace by giving yourself a break. Try to give fewer fucks about the little things (here’s some reading by Mark Manson if you need some help on the subject). The house will get clean later. The laundry will get done. Your friend will forgive you.
The same goes for anyone working with you
We’re all working the same hustle, but we all have different challenges. Forgive the little mistake, the 5 minutes of lateness, the “how-can-we-possibly-get-this-all-done-you-people-are-driving-me-crazy!!” emotional outbursts. Be diligent and hold people accountable, but have some empathy and be respectful. Everyone feels the pressure.
Make up for it later
Throw a party for all your friends when the project is done. Plan a fun weekend with the kids. Go out to dinner with your partner. Do something to show your appreciation for the understanding and support of the people in your life.
But don’t neglect yourself
Set aside some downtime for yourself, first, even if that means just a half hour for a hot bath or a long walk. Your brain and body deserve and need rest after all that amazing stuff you just did! Give yourself what you need, or that time with friends, partners, or kids will feel overwhelming and annoying.
So, where can you give yourself some space to accomplish your creative goals?
Share in the comments! I’d love to hear about your projects and how you get through the challenges you face to accomplish them.
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